March 31, 2005
IRELAND PERFECTS ANTIDOTE TO DEADLY BRUTONSCHWEIER CLOGOMOTIS BUG
by NMN science correspondent Alphonse Goonstein
IRISH scientists today announced that they have perfected what is being hailed as an infallible defence against the deadly disease ridden brutunschweier clogomitis beetle that is still rapidly breeding in the wild after a clutch of the beetles escaped from a research centre in the UK in 2003.
Professor Groltchmerg O'Bunion, who headed the team of top-notch scientists assembled to find a means of tackling the deadly threat, said that the breakthrough finally came after more than two years of intensive study.
He said that although the assembly of the team had proved difficult at first due to the lack of sufficiently potent and active DNA components that were required to resurrect some of the long dead scientists who were considered to be necessary members of the team, the obstacles had finally been overcome thanks to a process involving what he described as “the gentle heating and stirring of the remains”.
“We have termed the defence mechanism ‘splat 9’ after over two years of concentrated research and study,” said Professor O’Bunion, who is better known in Ireland for his studies of leprechauns.
Splat 9 will be available in general stores from today at what Professor O’Bunion said would be a “very realistic price” though the initial production will only be of the prototype splat 9, pictured left.
“In a few more months, when we are certain that sufficient supplies of splat 9 are in circulation to combat the deadly threat of brutunschweier clogomitis, we plan to introduce a broader range of splat 9 defence tools,” said Professor O’Bunion.
“We have also started production of splat 10, as a precaution against possible mutations of brutunschweier clogomitis,” added the professor.
Background info on brutunschweier clogomitis
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