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Gay community must work to create environment where no person afraid to come out printable version

10 Nov 2012: posted by the editor - Ireland

'If I knew back then how good life could be, I would have come out earlier'
Speaking this evening (Saturday) at the Cork Rebel Awards, Fine Gael Cork South Central Deputy and Chair of the Party's LGBT Group, Jerry Buttimer, said that being part of the gay community is about forging links, building friendships and being completely accepted for who you are.

"Tonight as we meet, there are people right across Ireland who are afraid to come out. They may feel like they are living in complete isolation, chatting in a chat room, anonymously under a pseudonym seeking friendship and support, looking to meet other gay people in a similar position in the hope of finding that acceptance. These people may be reluctant to embrace the gay community, not knowing that in our community they will be enveloped by love, care and acceptance; that by not engaging that they are missing out.

"My story is no different to many others. It is in two halves; the first, before I came out, was filled with fear, denial and confusion. The other has been filled with acceptance and a new sense of wellbeing; a life where I am not afraid because of the friendships I have built and the embrace I have felt from this community that does not judge me.

"Recently someone asked me why it took so long for me to come out? Why did I choose to live a life of lies for so long? The answer is that if I knew, back then, how good life could be, I would have come out way earlier. Hindsight's a great thing. But helping others, based on our own experience, is a much greater thing. We can't relive life but we can help others to build new lives, to be open, to be happy and to not worry about what people say or think.

"In coming out I have been overwhelmed by the warm embrace of Cork people; the ordinary Corkonian, a face in town who stops me and congratulates me, always energises me. The Rebel Awards are now an important event in the calendar of the Cork gay community, acknowledging, as they do, volunteerism, achievement and the contribution of community and voluntary groups, local Cork businesses, and civic society who strive for equality.

"We live in a great country; in an Ireland which is changing to become a more tolerant and equal society. Yes, the progress has been slow but the progress has been amazing. Being gay, as Hilary Clinton says, isn't 'a western phenomenon, it is a human reality'. We must all work together to demolish the wall of intolerance and inequality and to build an Ireland of tolerance, equality and inclusiveness. We must create an environment where no person is afraid to come out, and where people won't be paralysed by fear of judgement.

"The truest model of a republic is not one driven by the ideals of a particular set of church teachings but rather those based on the rights of all to live in a free and just society, one which withholds the privileges of one group over another and one which ensures the rights of all people. I am proud to be a gay person and I challenge you all to continually work to bring about an Ireland where love is embraced, be it gay or straight. Where being gay is accepted, where diversity is celebrated and where equality is attained. In the words of Ted Kennedy: 'The work goes on, the cause endures, the hope still lives, and the dream shall never die'."

Speech by FG's Jerry Buttimer at the Rebel Cork Awards at the Imperial Hotel on Saturday, 9th November 2012
Tonight I'm privileged and honoured to speak at the Rebel Cork awards in this its fourth year. Thank you for the invitation. I want to pay tribute to the organising committee who have laboured long and prepared assiduously for this evening. The collaboration between the Cork Gay Project, Cork Pride, GayCork.com & L.inC in coming together to acknowledge LGBT people and organisations for their contributions, and those who work and support the Cork LGBT community is to be commended. It seems a long way since last August when we posed for photographs to launch this 2012 rebel awards. Yet here we are. I want to congratulate all those who are shortlisted for awards and thank them for their contribution.

Gay elected member of Dail Eireann
I speak here tonight in my own city of Cork, at a gay awards night for the first time as a gay elected member of Dail Éireann. We gather not as gay men or gay women but as citizens, brothers, sisters, partners, friends, members of a community. The Rebel awards are now an important event in the calendar of the Cork Gay Community. They acknowledge volunteerism, celebrate achievement and recognise the contribution made by community and voluntary groups, local Cork businesses, and civic society to create equality.

The LGBT community is about more than heading out on a weekend to loafers or chambers or Ruby's, It's about building support, providing services, creating friendships with LGBT people and their families. It's about building alliances, forging links. We are very fortunate in Cork to have a vibrant community with active volunteerism augmenting the interagency work being carried out by so many. I am conscious of the fact that in our lives we have people whom we look up to as role models and here in Cork we have so many beacons in our Gay community who have led, fought for, promoted and achieved change, Arthur Leahy, Kieran Rose, the late Donal Sheehan, Cllr Peter Kelly, Helen Slattery (one of the early and long time pioneers of developments in Cork and Katherine O'Donnell...academic but involved for years in Cork (UCC) and latterly Dublin) and so many more come to mind. Can I ask you to raise your glasses to honour and salute absent friends.

Tonight as we meet in this city, in our country, be it urban or rural, there are people afraid, living in isolation, perhaps on line, chatting in a chat room, anonymously under a pseudonym seeking friendship, seeking support looking to meet or seek other gay people in a similar position to themselves . People reluctant to embrace the gay community not knowing that in our community they will be enveloped by love, care and acceptance are missing out and we must change that. We all know people who nervously paced up and down outside loafers or outside the other place with a knot in their stomach, adrenalin rushing, engulfed by panic, indecision and then a terrifying calmness followed by the energy of taking those first steps to enter inside. Those furtive steps can change a world and introduce people to a new exciting and fun community.

My journey
I have been there.

My story is no different to many; my story is in two halves: one half filled with fear, denial, and confusion. The other half filled with acceptance And a new sense of living an unafraid life because whenever I walk into a gay bar or gay event I find acceptance, no judgment and formed friendship.

My journey is no different to so many who began with unease, fear and moved thanks to support to being at peace and knowing that the journey isn't as hazardous as one imagines. Recently someone asked me why did it take you so long? Why live a life of lies for so long?

The answer if I knew, back then, how good life can be I would have come out way earlier. Hindsight's a great thing. But helping others, based on our own experience, is a much greater thing. We can't relive life but we can help others to build new lives, to be open, to be happy and to not worry, about what people say or think.

In coming out I have been overwhelmed by the warm embrace of Cork people, the ordinary Corkonian, a face in town who stop me, congratulates me always energise me:

Woman on Nano Nagle Bridge…

Coming out of the county final….

GAA…

Emails ….

Progress
We live in a great country; we live in an Ireland which is changing to a more tolerant, equal society. Yes the progress has been slow in coming but the progress has been amazing. Steady rising above the cynicism and the fear.

Initiatives on Progress for LGBT People:

1981 first national gay conference was held in Cork—2012 Cork City Council was the first Council to pass a motion on gay marriage.

1993 is critical. The decriminalisation of homosexuality, and on the basis of equality, was a key moment in the evolution of equality for lesbian and gay people.

Enactment Equal Status Bill This Bill provided for equality in the provision of goods and services on nine grounds, including on sexual orientation grounds.

Inclusion of Sexual Orientation in EU Amsterdam Treaty

The Civil Partnership Bill and Subsequent Finance (No.3) Act 2011 which provides for equal treatment in the tax codes for civil partners.

Civil Partnership is being very widely accepted and celebrated in every county across the country (including 76 couples from Cork City and County), signalling massive shifts in people's acceptance, valuing and respect for lesbian and gay people. More significant progress is on the way:

Provision for Citizenship Equality for Civil Partners

Extension of Foreign Same-Sex Relationships Recognised in Ireland

Provision for same-sex marriage to be considered in the Constitutional Convention.

Commitment of the Government to address gender recognition in legislation

In coming out and in forming the FGLGBT Group, I'm making a declaration, along with my party that one day a gay member of FG, or indeed any political party may be elected to Dail Eireann, become a cabinet Minister or even leader of our country. Irrespective of sexual orientation, each person, each member of society is one day free to fulfil his or her true potential. For me politics is about people, Politics is not just about activism it's also about making choices, which lead to change. Tonight by this awards ceremony we are continuing to lead, to make a difference and to enhance the lives of citizen's.

US election results marked a day of extraordinary progress for lesbian and gay people as USA voters approve same-sex marriage for the first time in Washington, Maryland and Maine. This is the first time measures to support marriage for lesbian and gay couples have won at the ballot box.

This election also saw America's first openly lesbian Senator, Democrat Tammy Baldwin, being elected. Mark Takano also became the first LGBT person of colour in Congress. French President Francois Hollande's Cabinet is pushing ahead with a controversial bill that could see gay marriage legalised early next year and here at home we have three members of the Dáil who are gay, two senators and a number of Councillors. Motions are also being passed on gay marriage here at home signifying progress in this area.

The Gathering
Our nation is now a different place thankfully for LGBT people. I hope that next year as part of the gathering many gay Irish people will travel home to join in pride or other LGBT events. Many felt they could not live here and hopefully when they come back the welcome and changes will be testimony to the progress made.

The Constitutional Convention
The Constitutional convention is the forum which will initially discuss the issue of gay marriage. Consideration by the Constitutional Convention of gay marriage is a pivotal and monumental once in a life time opportunity to transform and enhance the lives of so many Irish people. Bunreacht na hEireann defines marriage and to achieve gay marriage we will need a constitutional referendum. Following on the success of Civil Partnership, the next step is to move to gay marriage, to provide full Constitutional equality for lesbian and gay people.

Civil and Human rights
Civil rights are based on personal freedoms; freedoms to which we are born, to which we all have a birth right. Sadly human rights are still denied in too many parts of the world today to gay people. People are stoned, beaten, imprisoned or brutally killed because of their sexual orientation. That is wrong. It is equally wrong that people are condemned because they refuse to conform to the societal, cultural norms about how men and women should look or behave. We can never legitimise discrimination, intolerance against gay people.

Our government must work to stop this injustice and we collectively must ensure that no culture, no society, no government can divide and treat its people differently because of sexuality. Being gay is as Hilary Clinton says isn't "a western phenomenon, it is a human reality"

We must all together seek to demolish the wall of intolerance and inequality. Brick by brick, step by step our task is to build an Ireland of tolerance, equality and inclusiveness. We must create an environment where no person is afraid to come out, and where people won't be paralysed by fear of judgement.

The truest model of a republic is not one driven by the ideals of a particular set of church teachings but rather those based on the rights of all to live in a free and just society, one which withholds the privileges of one group over another, one which ensures the rights of all people.

I am proud to be a gay person and I challenge you all to continually work to bring about an Ireland where love is embraced be it gay or straight. Where being gay is accepted and where diversity is celebrated and where equality is attained.

I close with the words of Ted Kennedy: "The work goes on, the cause endures, the hope still lives, and the dream shall never die."

Tags: Gay community, LGBT

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