HUNGER
STRIKE NO DEFENCE!
Government
sources say that hunger strike is no defence at all against the despicable
Ranns.
The comment was made
after four million anti-Rann protestors in Hungary began a planned 18-month
hunger strike in a bid to make themselves unappetisable to a Rann in a demonstration
of what human solidarity can do.
"If we stick together
in solidarity we can become less in terms of solidity," said protest
leader Albert Messicate, pictured left.
"That way we present
a tasteless task for the Rann," he said.
He declined to comment
on the effects that an 18 month hunger strike could have on the lives of
those taking part.
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NEWSFLASH EXTRA + + + NEWSFLASH EXTRA
RANNS
BEHIND COLLISION ASTEROID?
Speculation continues to build that the
RANNS are behind the collision course asteroid that is expected to strike
planet earth in 2019.
Despised throughout the known universe
because of their excessive gluttony for human flesh, the Ranns are thought
to have steered the asteroid into an earthbound trajectory in order to create
maximum panic of the earth population.
A specialist in Rann psychology said
that the Ranns understood the human psyche and probably thought that by
making the human race aware of an unavoidable impending cataclysmic catastrophe,
people would succumb en masse to being eaten alive by the Ranns in the belief
that if the human race were to be unavoidably extinguished it might as well
go out to good purpose—even that of feeding the Ranns.
See
full story
** There is new evidence that the date of 2019
may be out by as much as 4 years either way..
(The plans of the Ranns were compromised and changed due to the impact
of the Covid Pandemic).
A
RANN TOOK ME ICE SKATING!
Ethel Scrotski said she remembers very well the day a Rann took her ice skating.
But witnesses claim it was Ethel they had seen DRAGGING the
Rann to the ice rink.
"I met him at the bus stop. I didn't realise he was a Rann then," said
Ethel.
"I'd got off the bus on my way to the rink and there he was. He
just looked so cute I wanted to lick him all over," she said.
Ethel said she stopped to talk to the Rann. "I asked
if he wanted to go skating with me and he nodded and so off we went.
It was only when
we went home together afterwards and he took off all of my clothes and
grinned at me with a horrible grin that I knew he was a Rann."
But the bus driver told a different story. "Yeah, I remember her,
Miss Scrotski," he said when shown a picture of Ethel.
"She got off the bus and went up to this poor guy at the bus stop
and didn't even speak to him. She just shouted 'you'll do' and grabbed
the poor guy by the shirt and dragged him off down the street towards
the ice rink," he said.
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A
RANN SUCKED MY TOES !
Gillian Slurpitt said she would never forget the day a
Rann sucked her toes.
"It was all tickly like," said Gillian, 23, of
Ramsbottom in Kent, England.
She said that the Rann called to her caravan on the pretext
of doing sound measurements within caravans during hailstorms as part of
some specialised research project.
"I knew he was lying because it wasn't hailing.
When he said he knew that and was only going to measure the silence inside
the caravan when it wasn't hailing, I let him in because it seemed like
a reasonable thing to do.
"I was dressed like I am in the picture with sand
on my legs and he'd only been in the room for a few minutes when he suddenly
fell on all fours and clamped his mouth over my toes. He wasn't hurting
me so I didn't stop what he wanted to do. He did a lot of other stuff too,
but you probably won't print that," said unemployed Gillian. She denied
making up her story for the sake of the fee paid to her
by Newsmedianews.
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CYANIDE IMPLANTS ‘FAULTY’
Hundreds of millions of cyanide implants made to stave off the Rann invasion
have been described as faulty by a former employee of the plant where they
were manufactured.
Physiochemist professor Snong Yibtong said that the casing of the capsules
would dissolve after just one week within the human body.
"Can you imagine what happens when triple concentrated cyanide is
released directly into the blood stream? Steam comes out of the ears. I
know, I have seen the experiments," said Mr Yibtong.
He said that several thousand implant experiments were conducted on illegal
immigrants who had 'agreed' to the programme.
"They were told they could stay if they did," said Mr Yibtong.
"Steam came out of their ears. All of them. Then they dissolved. All
of them. The experiments were always the same. Complete failure, but nobody
complained."
Professor Yibtong, who declined to be photographed due to a wart
on his penis, said he had made extensive notes of the experiments.
"I designed the casing but I was unable to create
one that didn't dissolve but could be eaten by a Rann. I told my bosses
that it wasn't ready,
that I hadn't perfected it and that the casing was faulty. They said it
didn't matter."
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The
peaceful night sky - source of deadly danger?
Man has always been fascinated by the night
sky. Now that very
sky has been identified as a source of extreme danger.
Not just due to the approaching asteroid and
expected impact in 2019
but now due to the knowledge that 200 million Ranns are getting
ready to feast off the human race.
Why has the knowledge of the existence of the
Ranns not been made
widely public over the centuries? What paranoia would prevent someone
raising the very thing that could lead to a cure?
In 1998 several thousand Ranns gathered
at a remote lake in the Pyrenees mountains in France. Even when in human
form, the sexual organs of the Ranns are twenty times as large as the
human organs. It is believed they chose the secluded lake to be able to
participate in the Ranns traditional communal bathing without being identified
as Ranns.
In an unusual development in 2000 the psychic
musician Keith
Harris was granted permission to spend a night with a Rann for the
sake of writing an historic collection of songs.
He faced the Rann without fear despite
it advancing on him several times. Keith started singing each time and
the Rann backed off looking alarmed.
Back
to main story
RANNS
RESCHEDULE INVASION BY 23 YEARS!
asteroid collision course spurs decision
THE Ranns have brought their planned invasion of
Earth forward by 23 years due
to the detection of an asteroid heading on a collision course for the planet.
It
is estimated that the asteroid, only discovered by astronomers in
July 2002, will strike Earth during 2019. The event could spark globally
catastrophic
events. [Evidence still being collated indicates the date may be out by
as much as seven years, bringing it forward to 2026.]
|
 This
Rann, behind 12 inch armour glass, was pictured at Portadown in the
UK.
The white mist on the glass is saliva ejaculated from the Rann's mouth
at seeing a living human being, in this case the photographer
Pic
Courtsey NewsPics
|
The
Ranns, a bloodthirsty species from the Andipollo Galaxy in the 27th quadrant,
are known to have an insatiable appetite for LIVING human flesh. The presence
of the species here on planet Earth albeit in small numbers has been known
about for thousands of years.
The
Ranns had originally planned their mass invasion of Earth for 2040, codenamed
Sunday Brunch. The plans had been painstakingly kept secret by all Earth
governments made aware of them in a bid to avoid mass public panic.
Too far away
for any hope of Earth launching any attack to defeat the Ranns on their
home planet of Rann, governments have been working on a scheme to implant
cyanide capsules in all new born babies and to implant as many of the existing
life form populations on Earth as possible. Though the implant would not
prevent a victim being eaten alive by a Rann, it was hoped that the resulting
severe indigestion caused to the Rann by the cyanide would eventually bring
about a cessation of the invasion.
Even should
this happen, it was estimated that there would only be several hundred thousands
of people left alive and many of those would not have escaped molestation
by the mouth of a Rann.
Over 200 million
Ranns are due to be teleported on to the planet in the space of a few
minutes,
to begin a savage gluttony of human flesh. The Ranns first spray their
victims with saliva (pictured above). The saliva is absorbed through
the skin
and
induces within the victim orgasmically pleasurable feelings when being
eaten alive.
At the secretly
filmed last known Rann teleportation in Latvia, pictured left, about 2,000
Ranns arrived in less than 15 seconds. Within less than two months, 189,000
new missing person reports were filed in Eastern Europe alone.
Analysis of the
evidence so far collected on the Ranns has led to speculation that they brought
the first early life forms to planet Earth in order to create a zoological
garden as a food resource.
Seized Rann records
reveal they were distasteful of dinosaur meat and had arranged the extinction
of the dinosaurs.
Earlier forms
of man had also been erased from the Ranns' programme due to being either
too lumpy, too rich in gristle, or too sour.
‘face
dancers’
At a Rann
Convention in Memphis, pictured below, Ranns were described
by
one speaker as “like the face dancers in the Dune science fiction
trilogy”,
except they were able to take on identical form to any living creature.
However, their favourite form is that of an 18-year-old version of Veronyka
Gustavin, one of the sexiest and prettiest Russian women ever born.
The Memphis
Rann Convention was called by the International Rann Awareness Symposium
(IRAS) to discuss the implications of the new invasion date.
IRAS is understood
to be working on an alternative to the cyanide implants.
Related stories
A
Rann took me ice skating
A
Rann sucked my toes
Cyanide
implants "faulty"
Hunger
strike no defence
Other
related items
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March 22, 2022
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